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Of analogies and how to properly eat cabbages.

31 Mar

The other day Jenny posted another one of her conversations that made me want a Victor of my own. But, man, to be that lucky is not easy. It’s pretty hard to find someone who’ll help you find a cat named Bob Barker. Almost as hard as finding someone who’ll help you dig up your dead dog.

This time she was talking about eating shit-hoagies and other Victoralogies, which is so not what you’re thinking. They’re just Victor’s analogies. Or should we call them Victorisms? Well, if you know a Victor, ask him how he’d want it to be called and let me know. Now back to our story, the post had its share of grossness but also talked about cows eating cabbages. If you don’t know what that is, welcome to the club. I was pretty lost when I first saw it. But later Jenny tweeted about Victor finding an explanation for it on the internet, on a website called The Word Detective. Pretty sure that was how it happened. Not so sure anymore, since it’s been a few days, after all.

Anyway, because the post explaining it was long and I had no time at the moment, I just saved the link. Today I opened the link and skipped the first few paragraphs, because that’s the way to read a post explaining something, apparently. Because when you do this, one of two things will happen. Either you’ll get so confused by reading the middle paragraph that you’ll get lost, jump to the last paragraph, get even more lost, then you’ll decide to read the opening paragraph but won’t understand a thing, and you’ll finally leave the blog/site clueless as to why in the heck you even opened that in the first place. Or you’ll read a paragraph that will be intriguing enough to have you read the whole post. So here’s the paragraph I chose to read (from the middle, of course) about how the cow ate the cabbage:

A circus had arrived in a small town, and one morning one of the elephants managed to escape. The fugitive pachyderm made its way to the backyard garden of an elderly (and very near-sighted) woman, where it began hungrily uprooting her cabbages with its trunk and eating them. Alarmed by the apparition in her garden, the woman called the police, saying, “Sheriff, there’s a big cow in my garden pulling up my cabbages with its tail!” “What’s the cow doing with them?” he asked, to which the woman replied, “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you!”

It made me snort, so I had to read the whole post. I just had to. I found the site to be pretty cool, and it talks about words and language in a humorous way, which is something I enjoy a lot. I’ll sure be checking out more of their stuff in the future.

Hey, look at me, just found another way to waste my time on the internet, because apparently sleep is so overrated. Although I do believe that time spent doing something that brings you pleasure cannot be classified as wasted time. It’s just that I wish I had more time to spend on the things I like.

P.S.: Went to look for the tweet, because I didn’t want to seem crazy and it was nothing like I said it was. Someone tweeted Jenny about her husband (not Jenny’s) finding the explanation for how the cow ate the cabbage and Jenny re-tweeted it. Not that this changes anything, really, but I just had to come clean and tell you that, although I lied up there I totally didn’t mean to. This is what happens when you don’t get your facts straight before you write about things.

P.S.#2: Yes, I do realize I could just go up there and change it and you’d never even find out about it, but what’s the fun in doing that?

 

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